Episode 35

full
Published on:

24th Jun 2023

Holly McNeill - Discusses the P.E.R.L.O.V.E. Formula Mindfulness & Meditative Practices

Holly McNeill By age 34, the perfect world that Holly had built to hide her perceived flaws and defects imploded. From that low point, she promised to do better and spent the next twenty years making good on that vow. Her search would take her across the country and from coast to coast. She read books, listened to teachings, attended retreats, and took in whatever spiritual instruction she could find. For six years, Holly practiced Buddhism, in part living in a Dharma house in San Francisco. Her quest would evolve into the creation of the P.E.R.L.O.V.E. formula – an effective and transformational set of mindfulness and meditation practices based on the teachings and gurus she encountered.

www.perloveformula.com

Summary video: https://youtu.be/_bS1my9nAZg

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Transcript

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Transcript

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Welcome to the New World Order Showcase podcast. Today, we're speaking with Holly McNeil. By the age of 34, the perfect world that Holly had built.

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To hide her perceived flaws and defects included.

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From that low point, she promised to do better and spent the next 20 years making good on that vow.

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Her research took her across the country and from coast to coast.

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She read books, listened to live teachings, attended retreats and took in whatever spiritual instructs.

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And she could find.

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For six years, Holly practiced Buddhism in part living in a Dharma house in San Francisco.

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Her quest would evolve into the creation of per love formula.

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That's P dot E dot R dot L dot O dot V dot E.

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And effective transformational set of mindfulness and meditative practices based on the teachings and gurus she encountered.

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Please help me welcome Holly.

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To the show.

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It's so nice to have you on the podcast.

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Thank you, stone.

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A little bit about yourself.

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Well, I made it all the way up to Southern California originally from South Dakota, moved E to Minneapolis east to the Greater New York City area W to San Francisco, and now I'm in Orange County.

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So I I've I'm the creative per love a set of mindfulness and meditation practices that helped you to go from the small and isolated all the way to the infinite.

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If you, if that's what you want.

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I spent 20 years after making a vow at a super low point in my life to do better, and I spent 20 years making good on that vow I went to.

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I read books, listen to teachings which retreats practice Buddhism.

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For five years before age 49, packing up everything I had leaving everyone I knew to move across the country to San Francisco for to live in a Dharma house.

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And 20 years after.

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So what is it like living in?

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And 20 years after I made that vow, these practices just kind of showed up.

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And I'm now.

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I'm just trying to share them with whoever can learn from them as I did.

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So what's a Dharma house like?

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So there's no TV, there's no community space.

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It's very quiet.

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It's a lot of.

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Very, you know, contemplative and but also, you know, real people, some of the people were nuns, monks and nuns lived there.

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Some were like people like me and you just shared this bond being kind of in in the Buddhist kind of mindset.

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Kind of more 24/7 I. I mean I was working as an architect there and a large architectural firm.

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So I go to work every day.

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I come back with pooches and group dinners and meditations.

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It was a wonderful, wonderful experience.

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Those are more like communal living by yourself.

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Yeah, kind of. We like. I lived in what used to be the living room of this house. So my house, my room was like 32 feet long by 14 feet wide and some someone else was living in the dining room space that they'd converted to a bedroom.

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And we had.

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A little bit of community space and there was another house next there was two houses.

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They had more community space, but we also had the temple where we spent time.

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In the Mission district, where we spent time a lot more community happened there.

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So yeah, it was more just like a place of refuge and in support.

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It was wonderful.

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Yeah, very blessed to have that had that opportunity, I was in the greater New York City area and my job opportunity came to to go to San Francisco.

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I knew no one.

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And they said, you know, we have a house there because I was practicing on the East Coast.

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We have a house there.

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And if you're interested, you can stay there until you get on your feet.

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I said absolutely.

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So I went there and I said, do you mind if I just, you know, stay longer and they say, you know, stay as long as?

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You want and.

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It was a wonderful time because I, like I said, I'm an architect.

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I did large hospital projects.

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And they needed to renovate their temple very small.

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One room, temple and I it was like it was like I could do that with my eyes closed, you know, but they just needed someone.

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This is how life works.

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When you put an intention out there, they just needed someone and I showed.

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Up, you know, from the I drove all the way across.

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From the East Coast and I helped them renovate that temple and they were so grateful.

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And I was so grateful because you have to do 5 hours of volunteer work.

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Aha month and I didn't have to clean the bathrooms anymore because I have to.

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It was the best project I ever did.

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Very hard opening.

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Fun to do stuff when it's just aligned with who you are, fundamentally.

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Yes, it was amazing.

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Yeah, great time.

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What led you to actually putting out your shingle and being a coach?

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Well, like I said, I I hit the Super low point, very lost very.

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I mean I created the perfect life to cover up my.

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I had house, husband, career, kids, everything you could ever want.

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Except for my, you know, my happiness.

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And so I made this vow at this lowest point of what was actually very self absorbed, anxiety filled, unhappy life, you know, help me and I'll do better life Buddha, God the universe.

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Give me another chance and I'll do better.

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So I was given the second chance and I like I said with my chronic dead and toe, I went out to make good on that bow and about I had no.

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Idea what I was looking for.

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But about 10 years into it, I started to see kind of things started to come together and during the COVID and so 10 years in and realized I wanted to start.

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Sharing what I had learned, but.

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So I put 2 intentions out to the world.

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The first was to retire from architecture before I turned 50 and the second was to have the time and space to write.

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So as intentions go, I retired four days before from architecture before I turned 50 in 2017. I sat down to write.

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But it wouldn't be until the COVID pandemic, when I printed out a book proposal that I would look over at the pages and I could see it a path.

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It was like the lights came on.

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This these it was just.

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It was just there and my husband helped me come up with the acronym of Per Love.

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And as I continue, I've been teaching those and I just and a platform came up online, you know, in the middle of the COVID.

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Pandemic that I could teach people.

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People would come to the classes and it's evolving right.

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And I've learned actually it's continuing to evolve and I'm learning the 1st 3 practices pledge to evaluate, recognize are kind of the missing link.

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Between all the teachings we have about, you know, being whole and being complete and you know.

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And love and compassion and expansion, expansion of consciousness of power, these three simple practices help you to get to that door, right?

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If they're just very straightforward, and if you do them consistently, they work because there's neuroscience behind them.

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There's psychology behind them.

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I am fortunate enough to have the rest of.

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My life to.

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Try to show people and share with them what I what I what took me 20 years to figure out and that's just my goal so yeah.

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So who's your ideal client?

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Well, anyone who are doing it for people that might have been may have be as stuck as I was lost. I'm sure mostly women so far aged 30 to 50 or 60, actually 35 to 65.

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And just who are struggling and lost and maybe don't know where to go and want to find their personal power and freedom?

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Want to do more but have their own what I call their have thoughts and emotions and feelings holding them back.

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Yeah. So anyone looking to?

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To find that personal freedom to get.

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To explore who they truly are, their true nature.

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Anyone struggling with depression?

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Very cool, very cool.

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And you offer programs.

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Yep, I have. I have there if. If you go to mywebsitefortheformula.com and you sign up for my monthly newsletter where we highlight a practice every month, you'll be sent a link to a one hour class free class that goes through each of the practices.

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And I suggest to everyone like if you don't learn anything else from me, it's that you must do something over and over and over and over and over again if you want it to sink in.

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So ioffer that for free we have a perfect practice forum that meets twice a month, goes through the practices in depth. There's four modules. So it's kind of.

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A year long.

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It's it's very inexpensive, but it's been a great group and that's helped to create even, you know more.

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More content for this because like it is pretty new about a year and a half.

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Is it personal coaching just?

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One-on-one? Or is it?

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Yeah. It's one-on-one. Yeah. So the group, the forum right is a we meet at the beginning of the month is a bigger group.

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And at the end of the month, we do smaller groups, so people have a chance to talk and ask questions and.

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And it's been really great.

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I've also just finished the Hollywood Fringe Festival and we I put on a live show with my niece.

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How the lost format of happiness talking about these practices so.

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And think things are expanding.

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You know, I'm really early on in my journey.

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As we talked before we started recording you all of a sudden realize you have to be an entrepreneur and get this out there and things are really evolving in a wonderful way.

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And I just have so much trust because when I started on this journey.

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And I made that bow and I kept that intention even though I didn't know I was looking for things started showing up one after the other after the other.

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So I just have a complete trust in life.

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And you have to really have that.

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Because that's really where you'll find your true nature and your strength and your.

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It is interesting how when you just put it out there that things will show up and to be able to just take the next step even if you're not sure that there's really going to be solid ground beneath you.

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It it just always ends up being there, like you reach out your hand.

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To the universe.

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And we'll reach back.

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It absolutely does, because we are actually, we're more than this body and mind, right we are.

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We are more than our thoughts and emotions and feelings.

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And when we can create the space between ourselves and those negative patterns and defaults, which is what I teach in those three practices.

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Yeah, you see that that energy is always out there.

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So if you put something out there and you watch for something to show up, it will show up and things may have been showing up, but you haven't been paying attention, right?

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There's always that pull of your higher universal self trying to show you what you need to set yourself free.

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So, and often when we get caught in our thoughts and emotions, we.

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We sometimes close ourselves off.

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Right.

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To being able to.

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See what's out there.

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That's exactly right, Jill.

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You're absolutely right.

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They talk about levels of consciousness and you at lower levels of consciousness.

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You are so stuck in it, which is where I was at age 34. I had no idea. I couldn't see anything beyond what my own struggles you get. Yeah. You absolutely cannot see it. And.

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Doctor Joe Dispenza talks about if we're not familiar with something, if we don't have experience with it, we literally can't take it in.

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So these practices are about becoming familiar with new practices that allows you to create that space for those aha moments to come through, even those moments of peace and wisdom.

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And it's not the real high highs of being happy all the time.

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It's not the lows of being depressed all the time.

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It's about the kind of the middle, the middle way being centered.

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There's absolutely a very clear path, and that's my message.

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I've listened to a lot of doctor Dispenza's.

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Information out there and done a lot of his meditation practices and his idea of putting yourself into the future that you want to experience so that you become familiar with that is so powerful.

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Right.

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It is it.

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It allows your mind to have like the idea that.

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This is what?

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It would look like if it were.

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Once you get there, you'll know you're there because this is what it's going to look like and.

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Feel like to.

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Your mind is so powerful it just propels you to be in that situation.

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There is our power of imagination is highly, highly underutilized.

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We don't believe that what we imagine becomes real.

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But it absolutely does, and nothing at that ever exists.

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Man-made wasn't first imagined, so he's absolutely right.

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And that's obviously he's very popular these days and has a lot of good information.

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But yeah, he's I use his teachings a lot in this in these practices to get kind of get you from stuck.

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To a place where you can really explore, right?

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You're you can explore your humanity, you can explore while you're here.

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You can explore your potential.

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Yeah, it's good.

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He has a lot of science behind what he does too, which.

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Is really powerful when you're talking to people that doubt.

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Yeah, he was one of.

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Yeah, he was one of the key people in creating these practices that helped to to, to kind of key it in to key it all together because like I said, there's a lot of teachings on the more elusive stuff.

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But he was one of the key people that that helped me to, to kind of to, to really tighten these.

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Practices up and like you said, he's got so much science behind it and he and the three practices of pledge evaluate, recognize you.

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I can quote, you know, reasons why this is.

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And it's not just.

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You know, kind of spiritual or this or that.

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It's actually how the mind works.

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And we are in charge of the mind.

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And so if we start paying attention and take charge of the mind, you know, the world's our oyster.

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The world is literally our oyster.

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I've seen it work so many times and you get into the more esoteric aspects of it.

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Like we, I had an intention group for a while.

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I don't know if you're familiar with Lynn McTaggart or not.

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But she does.

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These power of eight intention groups, and I had hit my thumb with a pneumatic nail and it went down.

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It hit the bone and it.

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Was so painful, I went to the group and I had been complaining like all day because my thumb hurts so bad and they held an intention for me.

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And at the end of the 20 minutes of intention.

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The pain was completely gone.

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I could move my thumb.

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As if it never happened.

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That is amazing.

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And when I tell you it hit the bone, it hit the bone.

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It hurts so bad.

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Yes, right, right.

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The power we have to heal.

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Yeah, to even heal.

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We don't believe we can heal ourselves, right.

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And I mean, if you go, if you look at Doctor Joe, dispense this story how he got started, he was in this horrible accident and he was a chiropractor and his whole spine was just crushed.

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And he, in his mind, he recreate.

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Added it. So yeah, absolutely we have, we have so much power. We just our thoughts, emotions and feelings when they're eight, we have 6000 to 70 thousand thoughts a day, 80% of which are negative and 95% repeat.

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So when we get stuck, it's easy to see how.

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We can get stuck in that.

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Right.

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And even at the beginning?

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When you want to make a change, you don't even have to be able to see how to.

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Get out of it because probably you can't, right?

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You just have to make that effort.

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That pledge, I say, pledge to grow your awareness.

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Yeah, it's possible.

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And in the beginning it is just.

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Oh, I'm having this thought.

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Do I have to?

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React to this thought, no?

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Right.

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You just said all three of my practices.

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It's pledge awareness.

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Evaluate your targets for change and then recognize them as they come up in your daily life.

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It's that safe.

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It's literally as you think.

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So shall you be.

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That is such a strong statement.

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It is totally a strong statement.

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So how do you how do you?

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Actually, I know you do one-on-one and.

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You you go through each of your little pieces.

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You wanna talk about the other four, the love.

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Well, love is.

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I tell people, you know, like I said, I just finished this show in Hollywood and at the very end, my niece goes ohh, you know crap.

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We don't have time for love and I say, you know, even though the practices are designed that you can move from one to the other back and forth however you'd like, her is really the most difficult part.

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In love, we sit back, relax and explore what remains.

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When the tap is removed, the negative thoughts emotions.

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And so Elle is to there's a there's a a clearing that appears when you stop engaging with all this negative thoughts.

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Thank you for what I've taught you and send it on its way.

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And so an L we locate that clearing and with it at as an object of meditation.

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We then dropped from our head to our hearts because that's where it said our true nature is.

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We then open to the Omni, omnipresent but subtle flow of energy that comes from an open.

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And then we V vest in what we find there, which means to take ownership of it right to spend time in the infinite wisdom, universal compassion and unconditional love there.

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But that's also means to take responsibility for the obstacles that show up in your life.

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Because here's where your intention manifests.

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Because although you're.

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Isolated small self is using your all your negative thoughts and emotions and feelings to imprison you, your universal, all pervasive self is showing you in every person, place or thing every negative thing that happens in your life.

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Every positive thing that happens in your life.

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What you need to set yourself free.

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So taking vesting in the obstacles and then the last E is expanding beyond your condition limits.

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In the end, we may we find that happiness and power is much more subtle than we expected.

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When there's a slight shift in perspective and we realize that we and the world around us are one and the same.

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We we realize our role in creating our own happiness in our worlds and the happiness of others.

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They say when you stopped seeking, you have arrived.

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So that's the end then.

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That's the end of the formula.

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But but I go from, you know, from the, you know, I can be down at V&E and I going all the way back up, you know, because we're human, right. This is a human experience. And we do think thoughts and things do happen to us.

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So the more we become familiar with what's going on and these practices are just one right, I I'd like to think they're very straightforward and doable.

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But in general, it's always.

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There it.

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Like you said, there's the science behind it.

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This is how it works, right?

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And we have.

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The power to make the change.

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And I think getting coaching, it's one thing to talk about.

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I can't hear you, sorry.

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Are you there?

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Here, can you hear me?

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OK.

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Sorry about that.

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What were you saying?

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Often we can intellectually like, say OK, I can do all these steps.

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Yeah, but in practice.

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We almost always need somebody to come alongside us and say here.

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Right.

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This is what you're doing.

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And you may.

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Think you're doing it exactly this the right way, but to have you thought about this just yeah.

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Them over just.

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And that and that's what the forum is really about.

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We go pledge one month is pledge, evaluate, recognize, pledge, evaluate, recognize we have different different series but always the same kind of thing because the mind will actually throw up roadblocks when you go to change because it it it's seeking out way it's just a bio computer right.

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So it's seeking out ways.

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Is to keep its programming going, right?

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And so at first it's you're going to be with resistance.

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And so of course, that kind of extra support, you know, a timer or something if you can do it on your own.

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But yeah, that that's what the forms like, any kind of meditation class, just reminding you to go back to it over and over and over, it takes three times to remember.

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Something 8 times for it to sink in in 21 days to make a habit. So.

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And and I've met a lot of amazing, wonderful people out there in this world, like you, Jill, who are trying to, you know, give people these tools.

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And but it's really a personal choice, and it's a personal belief and trust you have to give a little bit of trust in yourself that you can do this or start to grow that trust.

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If you don't have it.

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Or, you know, like some compassion if you acting in ways contrary to your patterns, aids in, in, in loosening them up.

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Right.

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And so if you're really stuck, just start with a little compassion or understanding affirmations.

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That's where I started.

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Affirmations on the treadmill.

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I am worthy.

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I am lovable.

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If if you if you're really stuck and really lost, I would start there.

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But then when you have when you start to see these little glimmers coming through, you can grow that.

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Awareness and change.

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You can change your world.

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So it really is.

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It's so simple, but it's.

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That our minds like to make things so complicated.

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Because it's protecting the programming.

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If we've if like anxiety is mine, low self worth is mine and like trying to do a show in Hollywood.

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Are you kidding me?

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That brings all of that stuff up and I could cower to it.

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Or I could see it from a distance for what it is, and once you can do that, it there's no center.

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To any of that, there's no powerful beast there.

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If you unravel it, there's no bandit there, right?

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So, but you're right, we do make it very complicated because we spent, however, twenty 30-40 years growing this.

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As Doctor Joe says, neural net of long term relationships of negative impact and so until we start to break those up, you're going to meet with that resistance.

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So yeah, the message is, you know, just start, just start and don't give up and you will find the way it's how our brains work.

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Yeah, and we're all working to create the world.

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Yeah. Oh, yeah.

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That we're going to live.

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In and it's so interesting.

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It's part of.

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It's the main reason why I do this podcast is because.

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I like seeing.

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What's out there?

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Who's creating the world that I'm going to be?

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Living in and I want to be a.

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Participant in it, because I believe that you know all of our thoughts, our imaginations are creating.

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The future for us, just as the thoughts and behaviors of the people that came before us created the situation that we're in now.

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And I just have.

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So much hope, and it's so exciting because there's never been a time like there is now where people are just stepping into their power.

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They're sharing what they're doing and discovering it.

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I feel like the world is being recreated in a way that's just going to be spectacular.

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And the more people think that way, right, the more it will happen, the collective consciousness.

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And yeah, so that's great.

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I commend you for what you're doing.

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And like I said, I've met a lot of wonderful people that are working to, to show people that they absolutely have the power to create, you know, the future and then now and everything so.

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And it just.

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Takes one person because that one person it ripples.

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And it ripples out.

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To their, you know, their family and then their community.

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And then the communities ripple into each other and it just.

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Eventually there's a shift and it's.

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Whole new world.

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I kind of, I talk about it like an ocean liner, right and individually, right, if you're if you're heading in a negative way direction it takes, you know you have to turn and it turns slowly but same collectively, right.

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If we can turn the dial and so yeah, that's again too why I am doing it.

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I I want to I I came from a very, very scary, lonely, angry and anxious.

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Self absorbed place and it was horrible and it took me a long time to get out of it and I wanted to to to share this kind of shortcut, if you will, for people as much as I can.

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So that's fabulous.

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So we're in this together.

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Yes, we are great to have partners.

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So what's the one thing you want?

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Our audience to take away from this conversation today.

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And I've mentioned this already, but if there's one thing that you learn that that someone can learn is that if you want to learn something, if you want to make a change, you want to make it a habit.

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You have to become familiar with something.

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You must read it, listen to it, practice it over and over and over and over again.

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Because if you think about it, we've had these negative patterns and defaults that you know, by the time you're 40, there's over can be over a billion negative thoughts that we've practiced over and over and over.

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So doing an affirmation for two minutes isn't going to do it.

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Are trying meditation for 30 seconds isn't going to do it, but the the practice isn't and pledge starts with six minutes a day, one minute, 6 times a day you just.

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Watch your mind right?

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And eventually you make a habit of that.

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So if there's anything you want to do, you absolutely can do it.

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But you must do it over and over and over.

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That's my biggest message.

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And how can people get ahold of you?

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Her love formula.com has have any questions. You can e-mail me directly at holly@perlovformula.com.

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And yeah, sent.

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There's a contact there, but send me an e-mail.

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Sign up for one of our forums if if you sign up for the newsletter, you get the link and you already get the the practices and just even listen to that.

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Those practices over and over and over again.

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That is wonderful.

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Thanks so much.

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You're joining us today?

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Thank you, Jill, for having me.

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About the Podcast

The You World Order Showcase Podcast
changing the world with one coach at a time.
Featuring life, health & transformation coaches being the change they want to see in the world! Listen in as they share what they are doing to make the world a better, kinder and more sustainable place for us all as they navigate the journey between coach and entrepreneur. And share their expertise to make your life better in the process.

Jill Hart - The Coach's Alchemist &
Host, You World Order Showcase Podcast
Contact: https://hartlifecoach.com
Join our community: https://facebook.com/groups/theyouworldorder
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About your host

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Jill Hart

The Coach's Alchemist & host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast is dedicated to empowering life, health and transformational coaches being the change they want to see in the world. Join our private community, where you will find support, networking & collaboration, get featured on our podcast and we also provide coaching to help you find clients with podcasts. It all starts with joining our community! (it's free)
👉https://facebook.com/groups/theyouworldorder